


Of Honey And Glass

by DefiFox



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Fallen Angel, Falling In Love, M/M, Wing Grooming, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25107787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefiFox/pseuds/DefiFox
Summary: Finn has some careless habits, but up until today they've never had severe consequences.
Relationships: Finn "Finn" Wiestål/Steven "Hans sama" Liv
Comments: 10
Kudos: 23





	Of Honey And Glass

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to remind everyone that the content in this fic is in no way linked to real life.  
> To any religious people / Christians who are reading this, nothing I've written down represents my personal or universal beliefs, so please don't take this all too seriously. Thank you! <3

Some people think angels are invulnerable, stainless beings. That they’re made of purity, and white light, the embodiment of divine justice. For centuries, people have attempted to draw the true forms of angels, with eyes and gears and flames and halos, and the crazier they make them, the closer they get. But no one’s ever seen an angel beyond a human vessel, grasped the divinity behind their true forms. No one would be able to look at that without their brain melting. 

In all truth, angels aren’t emotionless and stoic. They, too, feel a disconnect from their “true form”, and would rather live life in human vessels, where their beauty is comprehendible and visible. They’re not invulnerable either, but that’s a bit of a sensitive subject. No, angels aren’t much like people have been portraying them.

To truly grasp the humanity of these beings of grace, one could look at the story of Samariel, and his tragic fall to humanity. 

On one particularly gloomy day, Samariel, a considerably young angel under command of one nasty Seraphim, decided to do something new. It might’ve been a refreshing, harmless experience, were it not that “something new” meant breaking one of Heaven’s most sacred rules.   
Unaware or uncaring about the consequences of his actions, Samariel flew down to earth. He just wanted to see what it was like in comparison to dull, strict Heaven.

As predicted, this angel was in bad luck: when he flew down, alarms started blaring everywhere, and upon his return only minutes later, dozens of angels were awaiting him. By flying to earth Samariel had broken one of Heaven’s most important rules: they must never interfere with any form of life unless instructed to do so by God himself. 

Samariel got banished, something widely considered to be a merciful punishment after his crime. Since Lucifer and his followers, no one had disrespected Heaven’s laws like this. And not unlike Lucifer, Samariel fell to earth.   
It was scary and harsh, and Samariel had to hide his broken, painful wings away if he wanted to stand a chance in human society. He wasn’t about to give up, though. Tragic as his past days had been, he had been handed an opportunity that could only occur once in a lifetime. 

To his own great surprise, he found that he already had a vessel, something he presumed could only be his true vessel. That particular vessel would go on and carry him back to happiness, even if he did not realize it at the time.

\----

Finn has this habit, one he hasn’t been able to unlearn in his time being with his team. When he gets excited about something, or worked up- anything emotional, really, he forgets all about normal politeness and habits. This means he often finds himself barging into people’s rooms uninvited, or breaking into important meetings and spoiling conversations.

After a whole split, Steven’s gotten used to it. He’s moved his moments in which he needs to be alone to late nights and early mornings, so he will never be disturbed. 

Today, though, he’s made a mistake. His team would be out to get lunch, and Steven waited until he heard the door smack closed, amusedly shaking his head at the unnecessary amount of force used to achieve such a task.   
Then, only when he was sure no one would come back, he carefully unfolded his wings, allowing Samariel to shine through.

Samariel is a part of him Steven has been working years to conceal: it’s too damaged, traumatized, betrayed. He ripped himself free from that past, so he could start moving forward in this new life. This human life.

Sadly though, his wings still need care every now and then. Steven doesn’t do nearly enough for them, but he doesn’t really want to think about them anyways. They’re a part of his past, and every second of looking at his crooked, broken, messy wings just sends a pang of remorse through his heart. 

With a sigh Steven fully unfurls them and watches miserably as feathers fall down from everywhere. Though he won’t admit to it, he misses the feeling of stretching his wings before they got too damaged. Before his fall. He starts working on the wings, roughly threading his fingers through the course feathers, massaging at the knots and stiff places with uncareful hands. The wings aren’t his, he harshly reminds himself every time he flinches from the pain. They’re not a part of him.

Steven is so caught up in his own mind, he doesn’t even hear the loud footsteps approaching, and he only senses the door opening when it’s already too late. Opening his eyes, he stares right at the consequences of his careless actions. 

Finn starts talking before he’s even fully inside the room. “Hey, Steven! I was ju-“ he stops and his eyes widen with awe and confusion, “are those wings?”

Even though he knows it’s too late, Steven hurriedly hides them away, trying not to flinch at the painful feeling of his painful muscles retreating into his back. He attempts to calm his mind before he looks up, and curses himself -no, Samariel- for the heavy memories flashing before him.   
“Not a word about this”, he hisses warningly, surprised at the anger in his own voice.

Finn is still frozen in place, his eyes the only indicators of the chaos in his mind. Steven sighs, cursing himself once more for being so careless, and makes yet another stupid decision. At least this time he knows how stupid he’s being. 

\----

“So you’re an angel?” Finn asks again. He can’t help repeating himself, he’s just so confused, and still half-convinced this is some kind of fever dream. When Steven nods and pinching himself does nothing but make him blink, he finally allows himself to start believing everything might be real. 

In all his time living with Steven, Finn’s never really had a moment with him as close as this, or something even near it. They were colleagues before, friends at most. Mean as it may sound, Finn has never really felt too much interest in people’s backgrounds. He’s always preferred to focus on the present, and making new memories together. Now that’s completely different. He still has so many questions he wants to ask. He’d love to get answers from Steven, but he knows that his team can be back any moment with lunch and casual chatter.

“I, uhm”, Finn starts uncomfortably, trying to phrase the sentence right. “Can I maybe come by tonight, when our team’s asleep? I have so many more questions.  
“You don’t have to say yes”, he hurriedly adds, when he sees Steven -Samariel?- narrowing his eyes. _I just really want you to_ , he adds in his thoughts.

Steven sighs, closing his eyes. Finn curses himself for not being better friends with him when they’ve played together for quite a while already. There are so many more things to him than just a plain friendly player and Finn would love to find them out.

“Sure”, Steven says, sounding like he’s already regretting his decision. “Sure, I’ll see you tonight.”

Finn’s heart jumps, and he smiles shyly at Steven before walking out the door to meet his team. They just came back with his favorite sandwich, and Finn knowingly thanks Emil for that. The latter just beams at him before being dragged off to the kitchen by Kacper, where they go and get plates. 

They eat with the team and coaching staff. Finn soon finds himself caught in a conversation about the pros and cons of having ferrets as pets, and he’s very surprised by Oskar and Emil’s strong opinions on this. As he’s following their squabbling, he finds his eyes drifting off to Steven, though he hasn’t said much since he joined them at the table.   
Steven is just eating and besides his subtle smile at Oskar’s passionate monologue at some point, he mostly just seems to be daydreaming. 

It isn’t long before Finn follows him. He finds himself chewing absently on his sandwich as he tries to sort out his thoughts. It’s strange to think that one short moment like that is making him doubt everything he’s ever known. If angels are real, then does that mean God exists? And demons? Are heaven and hell a real thing? Because if they are, Finn had better start bettering his behavior. Not that he’s a bad person, per se, but surely there’s more he can do to get into heaven. Maybe he can start donating some of his savings to charity, or promote eco-friendly companies. Or- 

“Finn?” A hand taps on his shoulder. “You with us, buddy?”

Finn blinks at the sudden touch, dragging him away from his thoughts. He looks up, unwillingly looking at Steven’s spot, only to see it empty. Oskar and Emil are the only one’s still at the table with him. Finn huffs. He was so caught up thinking, he didn’t even notice everyone leave.

Oskar repeats his question and Finn looks at him, feeling a little stupid.   
“Yeah sorry, I was just thinking.”

Emil leans in closer at once. Him and Finn are close friends, have been since they started playing together. “Who’s the lucky lady?” he asks, eyes shining teasingly. 

Finn awkwardly touches his collarbone, trying to control the uprising blush. “It’s not like that”, he responds as casual as possible. Nope, nope nopity-nope. Not in a thousand years.  
He looks up to find Emil and Oskar still staring at him with amused looks.   
“I just, I was thinking about home”, Finn manages, hating how his voice sounds small when he’s lying. 

Emil seems to have picked up on it too, because he shoots Finn a quick wink before turning to Oskar. “Well, nothing interesting going on here then. C’mon Oskar,” he says as he drags the other out of his chair, “let’s get back to league. So, I’ve been thinking..”

\---

A soft knock on the door almost makes Steven jump. For a second he wants to flap his wings and fly away, out of this situation. But then he remembers where he is, what his wings look like and who’s knocking at his door. 

Trying to slow down the rapid beating of his heart, Steven sits and breathes for a few more seconds, hoping that Finn will be patient with him. When he’s not all too frustrated with his human heart anymore, he gets up and walks silently to the door to let a big-eyed Finn in.

“Hi”, Steven says uncomfortably. Unsure where to look, he averts his gaze as he motions for Finn to sit in his chair and walks to the bed himself. Finn obliges as he mumbles a soft greeting back. When he sits he looks up at Steven, probably afraid to say something. 

Steven sighs internally, wondering why he hasn’t been flayed yet for the decision he’s about to make, or why he’s so open towards Finn, who’s probably only showing interest in him because he’s an angel. Oh well. _Here goes nothing_ , Steven thinks and he unfurls his wings, showing them to this human for the second time.   
Finn. The human’s name is Finn, and he’s his friend. Right. 

Finn doesn’t seem to be struggling with the complications of inter-celestial friendships like Steven is. His eyes are wide open, taking in the sights of Steven’s wings like it’s the Mona Lisa or something. A small part of Steven puffs out its chest at the obvious look of admiration on Finn’s face.

As Finn continues to look, Steven’s face falls a little. He hasn’t shown his wings to anyone since his own youth, when he was a little cub playing with the others. The tingling of his feathers isn’t unpleasant, but Steven had forgotten how it feels to be watched like this.   
Even after years of purposely neglecting them, he feels ashamed at the state of his wings. They’re so crooked and imperfect, and Steven just wants to be able to show Finn his wings before the fall. Back when they still glimmered in the sunlight and the starlight, and carried him gently across the sky. When he would worry about a single feather falling out, and scurry to others to get opinions or tips for grooming his wings. Back when his wings were his pride and glory.

“They’re so beautiful, Steven”, Finn finally speaks, his voice a little hoarse. Steven almost cringes when he considers that Finn thinks of his wings as beautiful, while they’re the farthest thing away from it in reality.   
Perfectly in cue with his thoughts, a single feather falls into his lap. Steven winces slightly.

Looking up at Finn, Steven tries to tell himself that they’re not that bad. If he doesn’t convince himself of that he feels like he might fall apart here and now. “Thanks.”

Ignoring an itch, Steven carefully moves his shoulders to ease some of the tension building up. Though it does something to ease the pain in his back, it’s useless to the heavy feeling in his chest, and the tension building on the weight of his emotions. 

He’s afraid. Everything inside him screams to hide and push Finn away, to leave Samariel locked from the world. So why isn’t he?  
Steven feels like he’s at the end of his rope. These past few years are coming crashing down on him for some reason, and it’s all so much. It’s like Samariel’s popping his head up, saying ‘hey, you miss me? _Remember me?_ '

Why does everything always happen at the same time? Steven just wants peace, even if it’s feigned and relative, like the peace he’s had the past few years and up until some hours ago. Something took that peace from him, like it’s finally time to face who he is, but Steven is not ready for that at all.   
He can’t look himself in the eye and proudly say that he is Samariel, and that his wings are his, even if he’s lost his standing and his grace. Everything is weighing him down too much to do that, and he wills himself -no, Samariel- to understand that, but the latter keeps pushing.

“Why now”, Steven murmurs before he can stop himself. His head shoots up as he says it, pulled roughly from his own thoughts. Finn is staring at him even as he suppresses a yawn. It’s like the boy can’t keep his eyes off of him.

Finn cocks his head a little, the way an investigative puppy would. “What did you say?” he inquires, careful not to say anything too hasty. He’s being so much more gentle and held back, almost like he’s afraid of what will happen if he says something wrong.   
Steven can’t blame him as he looks back on how vague he’s been to Finn today. Besides the whole angel thing, he’s only really shortly touched on the subject of his fall, solely because that’s the reason he’s here today. Still, he wishes Finn would be a little less unsure around him. There’s really not too much he could say that would lead Steven to close himself off completely to him. 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it”, Steven responds when he notices that Finn’s eyes are widening in concern at the lack of his response. “I was just thinking.”

Finn smiles carefully as he brings his hand to his neck. “Yeah, you seem to do that a lot”, he says. His eyes shimmer in the near dark of the room, lighting up Steven’s mood just a little. He folds his wings away and manages to suppress Samariel just a little longer. Everything will be fine, he’s Steven. There’s no place for broken Samariel or his broken wings now.

Looking away from Finn, Steven feels his nerves start to settle. “I do, don’t I?”

“Yes”, Finn responds softly, and it’s obvious he’s biting back words. Steven looks at him invitingly, long having given up on his uncharacteristic behavior towards him. He’s being an open book to this man, and it feels freeing.

Finn glances at him and closes his eyes. His pale face is motionless until he starts speaking. “Are you ashamed of your wings? I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your personal life, but you hid them away again, just like this afternoon. Don’t you think they’re beautiful?” 

Steven scrunches up his face. “I don’t.. that’s complicated.”   
_And nobody needs to know just why. But I really want to tell Finn. Why the hell do I?_  
With a sigh, Steven concedes. There’s a little voice whining in his head and although its words ring true, Steven is not ready to listen to them just yet. No time for those feelings now.

“You know how I fell, and I became more or less human.”  
Finn nods eagerly, and Steven smiles at the similarities he shows to a puppy. As he gathers his thoughts, he looks away from Finn. That face is too damn distracting.

“Falling doesn’t just happen, it’s not just an accident. It’s a punishment angels bring upon themselves when they break the rules. I broke one of Heaven’s most sacred rules, so naturally, I had to be punished in a severe way.” Steven chuckles bitterly. “Angels aren’t really used to disobedience.”

Finn suppresses a yawn and looks adorable while doing so. He seems to be getting more comfortable. “What did you do?”

Steven finds that he’s quite relaxed talking about all this. He’s always thought bringing it up would bring waves of emotions, but those are mostly in the background. Although it sounds silly, Steven thinks it might be thanks to his company, that he’s able to talk about everything so freely.

“I flew down to earth, to take a look at the humans. Over a hundred-thousand years of being in the same place with the same people can get boring. To me, it got very boring.”

“Wait, so going to earth is forbidden?” Finn looks at him unbelievingly. Steven can’t blame him, he’s been overloading the poor man with information today.

He nods solemnly. “Yes. Sorry if I’m shattering your idea of a stainless Heaven”, he adds with a weak smile.

Finn looks down at his hands, probably trying to process everything. He looks cute in the near darkness of the room, with his pale complexions the only clearly visible thing. Even his brilliantly bright eyes are dark when he looks up. “Wow. I never thought angels were like that. Now I’m almost too afraid to ask, but..”   
Finn looks to find Steven nodding encouragingly at him. “Did angels make your wings like that?”

He opens his mouth to further explain what he means, but Steven understands him perfectly and holds up his hand to shut him up. This time, he does feel a pang of loss when he starts talking. “No, that’s what happens to your wings if you fall. They break, and you can never use them again. Usually they’d heal over time and start to look healthier again, but I haven’t cared for them properly.

“I decided to really start over again, as a human. And to do that I wanted to forget everything about me that wasn’t.. human. I know it sounds stupid, but I started to split myself up: there’s Samariel, who messed up everything and who’s broken and ugly, and there’s me, Steven, who is doing well as a human and is just generally happy with his life.

“Naturally, I pushed Samariel down. He became unwanted, a reminder of everything I’ve done wrong. My wings are Samariel, a big part of him. I don’t like seeing them, or feeling them. All of Samariel is pushed down and I’m living my life without him. It’s better like that.”

Steven resists the urge to run away. His body is itching for this moment to end, along with his mind. He’s told himself for years now, that Samariel is and will always remain in the past. It’s become his instinct to distinguish himself from that failure. Talking about it like it’s part of him.. it activates his fight or flight instinct. 

He’s pulled from his thoughts when Finn speaks up. When he can’t bring himself to look at him, Steven resorts to just closing his eyes as he listens.

“Steven, I’m so sorry you feel that way. What happened to you is terrible and if I could kill angels, I’d make them pay, but you not accepting and pushing down a major part of yourself should never happen. Not even when that part seems ugly and unsavable to you.”

Steven clasps onto his own hands like they’re a lifeline when Finn’s words hit him. He knows Finn is right, of course he does, but he _can’t_. Things can’t just change now, after he’s taught himself how to live like this for years. After he’s forced himself to live like this. Samariel can’t.. he can’t.. be here. Why can’t Finn see that?   
“I can’t, Finn. Samariel- he’s too far gone. I don’t even want to save him at this point.” Steven doesn’t try to hide his shaking breaths. Finn deserves to see. 

Finn, sweet, worried, Finn, abruptly stands up and sits next to Steven. He carefully takes Steven’s hand in his own, making sure he has all the opportunities to pull back if he’s uncomfortable. Steven shamelessly squeezes Finn’s hand for comfort. 

“Samariel isn’t just a part of you, something you can push down, Steven. He shouldn’t be. You are the same person, the same soul. You share memories, and he’s done everything you’ve done and the other way around. You can’t just.. push yourself down.”

Steven looks up at Finn. He wants to say a lot of things, hurtful things. It’s his instinct telling him to defend himself from the threat he’s facing, the threat that’s about to destroy everything he’s worked to accomplish.  
“That’s easy for you to say, isn’t it? You’ve lived such a short life, probably haven’t had anything serious happen other than some relative dying”, Steven says, but fear takes hold of him when he sees something dark clouding Finn’s eyes. “Not that that’s a bad thing,” he adds hurriedly as he curses himself for saying something like that, “you just can’t imagine what it feels like to have something like that happen to you. And I hope you’ll never have to feel like this.”

He’s startled when Finn leans into him. Maybe the boy’s tired: after all, it is long past midnight and Finn’s known for hitting the hay early. “I know,” he murmurs with what sounds like sadness in his voice, “but you’re doing better now, so you should try to start recovering.”  
Steven doesn’t respond. After a short silence, Finn resumes. “At least start caring for your wings properly again. They’re a part of your body, whether you like it or not. Besides, I don’t think I’d sleep well if I knew you were neglecting yourself like that.”

With a short laugh Steven manages to hide the hitch of his breath. Finn is so much more than he deserves if his broken wings truly are a part of him. That’s not something he wants him to have to deal with, ever. “You care that much about me, then?” he asks with faked confidence, just so he doesn’t have to sound pathetic. 

Finn doesn’t react to his question with even so much as a smile. His eyes just find Steven and he looks the other over shortly before he answers, plain and simple. “Yes.”

\---

It’s strange how Finn doesn’t even have to hesitate before he answers the question. Even if he did hesitate, one look at those shining caramel eyes would have told him everything. Steven is one unique being, that’s for sure, and Finn feels like he’s only now getting to see him. And now he does, he doesn’t just care about Steven, he adores him.

Steven is silent. No remarks, no denials or contradictions come from his lips, which are shut tight as of now. The fake confidence behind which he likes to hide is gone. His eyes are closed, and Finn has a sense of fearful anticipation when he looks at Steven’s face like this. Beneath the still surface, he can almost feel there’s a war going on. 

Finn considers intruding and waking Steven up from his.. mind, but maybe he needs this. Maybe there is something going on now that’s long overdue, and this internal conflict is his way of addressing the problem.   
Whatever’s going on, Finn prays it’ll be for the better. 

It feels like an eternity passes before Steven looks up. His eyes are watery, but Finn can see the resolution in them when he talks.   
“It’s not going to be easy”, he whispers. His hand is fidgeting around with the mattress, as restless as his mind must’ve been before. 

“It’s going to be hard, but I’ll try. I’ll try”, Steven repeats with a mumble, as if he hasn’t really convinced himself of the truth yet. Finn smiles at him brightly and the corners of his mouth curl up just a little. This isn’t what Steven expected from their talk, but Finn has a feeling he’s not mad about the direction of their conversation. 

Finn is startled when he hears a soft rustle, and just like that he feels something behind him. In an instant he turns around, only to find Steven’s beautiful wings standing out in the dark room.   
Even in the darkness his wings are the same honey-colored shade of orange they’d been during the day. Finn imagines how they’d look in the sunlight, slightly different-colored feathers rustling softly in the breeze.

They’re mesmerizing to watch. Little specks of light seem to move over and through them from nowhere. The dark only strengthens Finn’s wonder, making him question if the wings would feel as warm as they look. They look like sunrays enlightened a shimmering jar of honey on a magical day and shaped it into wings. Somehow, the wondrous warmth and the strange sensation of belonging Finn gets when he sees and feels the wings reminds him of Steven.

It’s strange to think that a separate wing is the size of a fully grown man. When Finn first laid eyes on them by accident, they looked much smaller. Maybe it’s because Steven makes them look as small as possible, or because they’re also crooked and bent in ways no body parts should be bent. That, and the terrible condition of the feathers make Finn flinch internally. He thinks the wings are gorgeous, but he hates to be reminded of the things Steven must’ve lived through and the things he’s been putting himself through. 

“So beautiful”, Finn breathes before he can stop himself. A blush creeps up his cheeks, but Steven doesn’t fight him on it. He smiles shyly, and it hits Finn that his eyes look like his wings, though they’re a bit darker.

Steven breathes in. “Do you want to touch them?” 

“W- Yeah, are you ok with that?” Finn asks just to be sure he heard it right. Confusion floods his system but is pushed down by the feeling of gratefulness flowing through him right now. Steven trusting him this easily is almost scary. Finn thinks -hopes- it’s because he feels the same Finn does, that inexplicable feeling of belonging. At any other time he would’ve declared himself a lunatic for letting his feelings take him over like this.

Maybe it’s the time of night, maybe they’re both going crazy- but Steven says yes, and Finn carefully untangles their hands. He reaches out tentatively and has to hold back a gasp when his fingertips grace a feather. Slowly, drop-dead terrified to do something wrong, he slides his hands along Steven’s wing. 

It’s just as warm as he’d imagined. Finn is careful not to hurt Steven, but the latter is watching on with a weary smile. He’s enjoying this, Finn realizes.   
All while making sure Steven doesn’t get uncomfortable with his actions, Finn starts threading his fingers through them. With utmost care he smooths and straightens out any out of place feathers. The motions come almost instinctively to him, like he was meant to do this. 

Finn never used to be a believer in higher forces or invisible things. He was always happy just living, having his friends and feeling the warmth of the sun on a good day. These past few hours have made him reconsider most things he deemed normal, but Finn can’t find it in himself to be upset about it: in fact, he’s rather happy his world has been turned upside down.

“If you’re going to take care of my wings like that, it shouldn’t be too hard to get them back to better health”, Steven smiles. His eyes are glistening in the dark and he looks more relaxed than Finn’s ever seen him.

Finn grins softly and moves to groom Steven’s other wing. “I wouldn’t mind taking care of your wings”, he responds. “It would give me an excuse to be close to you.”  
He looks up from his work with a smile, remembering yesterday and all those days he didn’t know Steven yet; not really, at least. It all seems like a million years away. 

Steven looks a little taken aback at first, but soon the smile returns to his face. His hands shortly find Finn’s shoulder, before retreating just as swift. “After tonight, I don’t think you’ll ever need an excuse to be close to me. I’d love to spend some more time with you.”

Despite his confidence Finn feels his heart leap in his chest. His smile widens as he looks at Steven and a giddy feeling spreads through him. This is really happening, he’s getting a shot at being with such a wonderful person. 

Rubbing the back of his neck, Finn leans a little closer to Steven. “I’m kind of tired now, but, does this mean you’d be up to go out some time this week?”

Steven turns to look at him with shining eyes. “Are you asking me out, Finn?”

“I most definitely am.”

“Well, then who am I to say no?”


End file.
